


Law?

by Doodledust (PackGuardian)



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Assassins' Guild (Discworld), Ficlet, Gen, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:21:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29061243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PackGuardian/pseuds/Doodledust
Summary: The Assassins' Guild has a high turnover rate of members, and not always due to unfortunate circumstances. The Guild's exit advisor is a very busy individual. Stars incidental original characters.
Kudos: 11





	Law?

It was funny how assassins who survived becoming assassins often didn't stay assassins for very long. There were exceptions of course, but most of the guild school's faculty were at least semi-retired from the practical side of things, and the number of actually qualified assassins in Ankh-Morpork was rarely much higher than the number of very nearly qualified students and when it was, that meant a class had just graduated. After that, they tended to get picked off one by one by failed jobs, or forced into early retirement by injury, or realise that assassination was a novelty that eventually wore off if you didn't have the exact kind of knack for it. Assassins Guild class reunions rarely had many attendees, and were more commonly known as funerals.  
If a fully qualified assassin did live long enough to decide they were sick of it, and yet again long enough to get out of their guild commitment so that they could go and do something else, a lot of them became lawyers.

It made sense. After all, no one knows how to operate the law better than someone who has been trained to circumnavigate it to successfully inhume a target in a legal and ethical manner. It was required to hand write a comprehensive receipt that properly cited appropriate laws and guild codes after every job and to do so in a timely manner without getting caught. Writing court summons was child's play by comparison.  
It was getting to the point however that the council of the Lawyers' Guild almost contained more former assassins than it did guild-trained lawyers, and the average employment history for an Ankh-Morpork lawyer was more commonly starting to list five to ten years of assassination experience before it ever mentioned anything legal-related. 

"Have you considered perhaps... medicine?" The guild exit advisor suggested, "Or politics? I mean, I'm sure the Guild of Lawyers would be happy to have you, but paperwork in that direction is getting somewhat hard to come by."  
"Medicine?" the grey-eyed man on the other side of the desk asked.  
"It's very similar to inhumation," the advisor said. "You just have to carry out a lot of the processes the other way around. Or maybe that isn't for you... undertaking? You can make very good money as an embalmer these days."  
"Look, the reason I want to leave is because I'm tired of looking at dead people."

"Well maybe you  _ should _ look into medicine then, considering that it's mostly about preventing dead people. Anthony, this is all your choice. You don't have to transfer to another guild if you don't want to; you've worked your commitment, you'll have your pension, if you wanted to you could just retire and... keep pigeons or something. Move out to the country and take up forestry."

Anthony thought for a minute. Retirement didn't exactly appeal at the age of thirty-two, and he wasn't into pigeons or forestry.  
"I would like to think about medicine," he said.

"The training would be easy, it might only take you two years to get your certificate based on previous experience. Very respectable profession for a young man of your status too."  
"Thank you, I'll take it into serious consideration."  
"All right," the advisor said. "Let me know when you've made your decision, and we can work on the next steps together."  
"I will. Shall I speak to you next week?"  
"If you'd like. There's no reason to rush however, this could be the rest of your life we're talking about here."  
"Very well. I'll see you again."  
"I'll see you, Anthony. Thank you very much for speaking with me."

Anthony nodded and left the small, paperwork stacked office.  
No sooner than he had left, he was replaced with another man, this time with dark eyes and a scar along the length of his jaw.

"Good morning, Simeon," the advisor said brightly. "I see from your letter that you're considering... law?"

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! This was a silly thought I had and a style attempt that spun off into something worthwhile. The Assassins probably don't have a HR department, but if they did it would be kept busy surely. Comments are appreciated! <3


End file.
